Day 5: today i faced a fear! go me!

Teaching:

today i went back to the classroom where i started my subbing gig two weeks ago, in a third grade class. when i was there the first time i was in for the "teacher," but there was a paraprofessional inthe room, so she pretty much ran the day. which was fine. today i was in for her and was the aide to the real teacher. the kids we happy to see me; again, i know it's better for the kids if the subs are consistant.

we started the day learning about how to make an inference. it was cool, since one of the examples she used was about the circus (and you know how much i love the circus!). the kids got the idea very quickly, so we did some worksheets, then started math. they are learning fractions, so the spent time cutting out fraction flash-card-like things. since it took them forever to cut, the teacher said we'd continue after lunch (which made me annoyed, since i was 20 pages to the end of Hunger Games and wanted to finish!! then they headed to music. i was glad i didn't have to stay with them; as i walked by the classroom i heard them singing "this land is your land" which, IMHO, is a torturous song to sing! over and over and over....ack!!!

after music, they went straight to lunch, then back to the classroom to continue with math. (i tried to finish the Hunger Games at lunch, but didn't have enough time). since lunch was so late, the only thing we had after that was science.

when i first came into the classroom 2 weeks ago, i noticed the small blue kiddie pool on the table in the back of the room. of course, how could i not notice it? when i went over i saw it was filled with crayfish; they had just started a unit on it and they had the pool to observe them daily.

when i entered today, i made a beeline to the pool; i was curious to know how much they had grown. they had grown a LOT, and i got to see some of the progress some of the cray's made. some...notsomuch. they are cannibals, so the smallest had lost their claws. there was one that was clearly the alpha male; he was twice as big as the others.

today i was told that the science specialist was going to come in and teach the kids how to pick up the crayfish. it's just like picking up a lobster - which i was terrified of doing. but these things? eh, they are tiny lobsters! what should i be scared of?

until one pinched one of the kids and sent him screaming from the room.

at that point, i decided that even though i was a zillion times bigger than this little crustation, i didn't want to pick it up.

but one of my committments to myself is to do things that scare me (*hence how i broke my leg in the fall...another story for another time), so i decided to pick the little bugger up.

of course, i started with on

e that didn't have claws. yeah, i'm kinda a pussy that way. ;)

they squishy.

once i got the hang of it, i had no problem, even taunting the little thing....

heh.

sometimes being a sub is kinda cool.

and i even managed not to get myself bitten. total score all around for me today!

tomorrow I take on 6-8th grade Health. this outta be an interesting day...wish i knew if they were learning sex ed....i can only dream that i'd have to have that conversation - i SOOOO want to teach sex ed!!! lol!!

Life:

i am beyond stressed about this lack-of-job thing. it's keeping me up at night. i feel slightly (ok, more than slightly) paralyzed at the thought of sending out resumes that i'm not even sure are good. it seems each job i apply for i don't even hear if they have received the resume, which is annoying. i feel like the clock is running out; like i'm watching sands through the hourglass, counting down until school ends and i'm totally fucked. i know a lot can happen in 2 months; for all i know i could get a job tomorrow and be moved by May 1 (a girl can dream). i know i just have to keep having faith, but some days even faith isn't enough. and my amazing boyfriend Nap is just that; amazing. and i know he's kinda at a loss as to what to say to me sometimes, as i'm at a loss as to what to say to him. i don't want to keep telling him how stressed i am, so i don't. and he keeps being my cheerleader no matter what. i'm truly blessed to have him.

as i write this, i'm at a really cool little coffee shop/restaurant near MIT as i wait to go to Vagina rehearsal. I'm sorry, for those of you who don't know, I"m in the Vagina Monologues in April. i'm super excited, since it's the first time i'll have been on stage in over 6 years. it's going to be a blast and i can't wait.

i've been sitting here for 2 hours, having warned my waiter that the only thing i'm getting was an appetizer; he said that's fine (it's not like they are busy anyway). I chatted earlier with Nap and was tearing up (from talking about the stress) and my waiter saw me. he just brought over a complimentary brownie sundae....i think there really are angels in the world. and mine just delivered me ice cream.

whenever i seem to loose faith, humanity reminds me that it's not all that bad.

thank you Carlos-the-waiter...you made my day.